Saturday, May 27, 2006


I agree!! It has been long! But. I’m back, as I always am…I have a few amusing stories to narrate, along with an annoying tag to fill…so be prepared for a rather long post.
I am currently on my summer vacation. I have travelled form Delhi to Kolkata and from Kolkata to Mumbai, where I am currently settled in considerable comfort in my cousin’s house. (What a beautifully alliterative sentence that was, by the way- pls note, effects of majoring in literature!!) Anyhow, I left the dry, torrid and unbearable heat of Delhi to arrive in the humid, sticky and equally unbearable heat of Kolkata. I took leave of my dear, finicky father to enter into the loving embrace of my dear madcap mother. Yes, my mother, who I am having the pleasure of meeting after 3 months, is as eccentric as ever!! The day I arrived I was greeted with an anecdote of her brilliant faux pas! On the way back from the station we both saw a HUGE billboard outside the station advertising a Maha Sale- as it were- at such-and-such shop. My mother’s face took on the expression of utmost horror. Glancing at her expression, I grew quite alarmed, wondering as to what in that sign could have disturbed my dear mother so deeply. On further inquiry, I discovered the roots of her discomfiture. Apparently she couldn’t stand the magnitude of abusing at such a large and conspicuous manner. For a bit, I was nonplussed. However, regarding the situation from my mother’s perception, I quickly grasped the situation. My dear mother, who had been brought up in a manner where English was English and Hindi was Hindi and, under no circumstances could the two be used side-by-side, had completely misread the billboard. Her mind, not used to reading in Hinglish, had read and understood the sign as “Maha Saale”! She couldn’t believe that people could possibly be so vehement in their likes and dislikes as to display them so publicly. Of course, the fact that reading the sign as Maha Saale was incoherent with the rest of the stuff written on it, was something that my mother chose to give the royal ignore!
Another time was when I was asking my mother when she shampooed her hair last. The relevance or irrelevance is not the point to be discussed here. So, dear readers, do not focus on that. After asking my mother the same question several times, and on receiving no answers, I whined in exasperation, “Mooooooooooooooooooommmmm!!!Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Finally, my mother gave me her, still divided, attention. Looking at me with a vacant expression, she finally said, “Haan? What? Oh yeah, I shampooed my hair last, three days ago…Thursday…no, no…it was Friday…or was it??OHO!” and then the brilliant coinage that only my mother is capable of ladling out in infinite capacity “ I fried my hair on Thursday!!” Apparently, the Thursdays and Fridays were too muddling for her to deal with at one go!
I was visiting my aunt’s place, which is one of the most beautiful houses I have ever seen. Two stories high, it is a charming abode. Painted in cream with terracotta tiles and a lovely terracotta arch at the front…surrounded by a picturesque garden, facing a beautiful canal…. full of greenery and nature…one is woken up in the morning by the sounds of flowing water and birds chirp. It would, honestly, have been paradise on earth if it weren’t for 2 things. Firstly, the north winds. Thanks to this, the not so delicate smells of stagnant water tickle one’s nostrils one time too many in a day! Quite horrid! And the second are the mosquitoes that are present in plenty…. I swear to God, the amount I swelled up, I was more in danger of being branded with the ailment of elephantiasis rather than malaria!! Anyway, now I’m done with my tales, I must fill the tag!
* Taken a picture naked? No..unless you count my baby snaps!
* Made out with a member of the same sex? No
* Danced in front of your mirror? Duh-yeah!
* Told a lie? Only white ones!!
*Gotten in a car with people you just met? Nope!
* Been in a fist fight? Hell yeah!!!*Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Dunno.I dunno how da other person feels so….and this is the first time. Otherwise, NO!
* Been arrested? No
*Left your house without telling your parents? Maybe..dunno for sure…I usually holler!
* Ditched school to do something more fun? Sure!
* Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yeah..
* Seen someone die? Yes
* Kissed a picture? My pup’s! no human ones!
* Slept in until 3? That’s my biological cycle people!
* Played dress up? Heh! Yeah!
* Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes
*Felt an earthquake? Yes .the music system fell on me!!!
* Touched a snake? Yup. They feel all nice and smooth…didja know that?
* Ran a red light?nope
*been in detention? No, but ive been chucked out of the class. A LOT!
* Been in a car accident? Thank god! No.
*Pole danced? Not exactly! Ive lamp danced tho…treating the lamp as a pole! Does that count?
* Been lost?Hundreds of times!
* Sang karaoke? a few times
* Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? many many times...
* Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? lol..yup..a few times
* Caught a snowflake on your tongue?nope
*Kissed in the rain? yes* Sang in the shower? yeah ..
* Got your tongue stuck to a pole? No. What the-??WHO DOES THAT??
* Ever gone to school partially naked? AGAIN WHY?????????????
* Sat on a roof top? Yeah
* Played chicken? Nope
* Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No
* Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?sigh! no!!!
* Broken a bone? nope
* Mooned/flashed someone? Huh??
* Forgotten someone's name?all the time!! I suffer from an awful memory
* Slept naked? no
* Blacked out from drinking? I don’t get drunk!
* Played a prank on someone? OF COURSE!
* Felt like killing someone? No…ive hated enough people in my life though
* Made a parent cry? yes...with joy!!
* Cried over someone? Yeah…many someones!!!
* Had sex more than 5 times in one day? No. That’s not a nice question, btw!
* Had/Have a dog? ? Yes to both…
* Been in a band? Sorta
* Drank 25 sodas in a day….aka POP? nope
*Shot a gun? Yeah ..the balloon shooting game!!There!!!
All done! Now , I must thank Akshay for passing on this horrendous tag to me! On my part, I pass it on to no one, for I realise that these wretched things are a tremendous waste of time and energy! Goodbye folks! For another eternity!!!

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